I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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