ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
