i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Randomize
