Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
