wrigley field is MILF paradise
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
