1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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