You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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