Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
