Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
