i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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