I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
