i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
