I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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