If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
