Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize