My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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