I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We don't watch enough power rangers
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
