so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
