I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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