Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
