This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
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