just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
