so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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