Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
