Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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