I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
