I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Randomize
