do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
