what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
