also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
