my vag is so smooth its legendary
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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