I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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