just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
