My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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