when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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