i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize