Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
