dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
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