Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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