I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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