So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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