you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
