I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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