we made out on top of his cat.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
