i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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