There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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