There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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