addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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