new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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