whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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