Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
