Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
