am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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