I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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