no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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