Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was so not down for the gang bang
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
