oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
