umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Randomize
