So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
