I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
