i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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