I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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