I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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