We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
