Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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