watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
