I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize